


Here Without You

by jagnikjen



Series: The Chronicles of Blake Moran [8]
Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blake has a hot hockey boyfriend, Dallas Stars, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hockey, M/M, Washington Capitals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-03 22:45:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11541972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jagnikjen/pseuds/jagnikjen
Summary: It was bound to happen sooner or later--Oliver is traded away from Washington.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As of the posting of this fic, Madam Secretary has been renewed for another season. ~~So this could take place in January of 2018 or 2019 or 2020...~~ I've decided to go with January of 2018.
> 
> Also, I've downgraded the the rating to "teen and up" as I opted to forgo the sex scene.
> 
> Also changed the title from 'With or Without You' to 'Here Without You' because 'Here Without You' fits the fic better. But nothing else has changed.

Blake collapsed into his desk chair. He had a few minutes to catch his breath and drink a cup of coffee. And scroll through the articles on his NHL app. He’d turned off the alerts, of course, because otherwise his phone would chirp and chime all the time, but he liked to keep up with the League. It was Oliver’s world, his livelihood, and Blake liked to talk as intelligently as he could with Oliver about it.

To that end, Blake doctored his coffee and pressed his thumb to the home button. He stopped short of kicking his feet up onto his desk, though he was sorely tempted to really enjoy his ten minutes of leisure time. Had it been after five p.m., he would have crossed his legs at his ankles and leaned back in his chair, but it was mid-afternoon and the room was full of the daytime staffers.

The notification panel dropped down from the top of his phone and Blake scanned the words. He sucked in a shocked breath and set his coffee cup down with a clatter, nearly knocking it over. His vision whited out. White noise filled his brain. _Oh my god…what???_ He shook his head to clear it. Theoretically, he understood the words he’d just read, but the impact of them was too much to process.

He abandoned his phone on the desk and dropped his forehead to the desktop. Tendrils of ice wrapped themselves around him, and he shivered.

It had happened. Was happening.

_Oliver Linna, D, Washington Capitals, traded to Dallas Stars._

Blake squeezed his eyes against the tears. He couldn’t cry. Not here, not now. _But oh my God, oh my God, oh my God._ A sob stuck in his throat, rough and painful.

The gentle chime of his ring tone startled him upright. His trembling fingers fumbled the phone once, twice, before he could grasp it and turn it over to see Oliver’s name on the screen.

Blake wasn’t ready to physically hear the news, but he couldn’t not. He wiped the back of his hand across his eyes. He snorted back the emotion in his nose and throat. Swiped to accept the call. “Hello.”

“Blake. Kultsi. I’ve been traded. I have to be on a plane to Dallas in the morning.”

Blake had no idea what to say. There were a dozen questions whirling through his mind like margaritas in a blender.

“Blake?”

“God, yeah, I’m here. Oliver, I…” Blake scanned the room. No one was looking at him, which was definitely a good thing. He rose and stepped into the antechamber of the Secretary’s office and swallowed convulsively all the way to the window. Tucking himself behind the thick drapery, he pinched the bridge of his nose to stay the burn of tears. Releasing a thick breath, he asked, “What does this mean? Is this a good thing or a bad thing for you?”

Blake wanted to be selfish and ask, “What about me? What about us??” but he didn’t. Picking up and moving thirteen hundred miles at the drop of a hat had to be stressful and confusing. A shock. Oliver needed his support, not a freak-out.

“I don’t know, to be honest. A lot of it is attitude, you know? And it’s hockey. It happens. And I don’t have a choice. I have to go, Blake.”

“Okay,” he whispered thickly, barely able to push the words through his vocal cords.

“Tonight. Come over tonight.”

“I will. I will. Barring global catastrophe, I’ll be there.”

“I have to go…”

“Yeah.”

Blake stood with his forehead against the cold window pane, trying to get a grip on his emotions. He still had the rest of the day to get through. Childishly, he crossed his fingers, hoping that the world would behave until tomorrow.

The door whispered open behind him and soft footsteps came to a halt. They started again and then stopped behind him. “Blake?” MamSec’s voice was soft, concerned, and it broke him. The man he’d thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with had to leave, and he just— He hung his head and sucked in a choking sob.

“Oh, God,” she said, hand landing on his forearm. “Is someone hurt or dead?”

He shook his head.

“Okay.” He heard the relief in her voice. “Okay…” A whisper this time.

A dozen or so footsteps went away from him, then came back. She wrapped a loose hand around his wrist and tugged him into her office. Pushing him down onto the settee, she handed him a handful of tissues. The good kind. With lotion. Because he’d bought them for her. He shoved them into his eye sockets. He breathed. In and out. In and out.

“Can I get you some water? Coffee? Tea?”

He shook his head, thankful she hadn’t asked why he was blubbering like a teenage girl. Although she had the experience to deal with it. He half-snorted in some sort of anti-amusement.

The Secretary sat in the chair, leaning forward, elbows resting on her knees. “Blake, I don’t want to pry, but something’s obviously got you upset. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Only if you’ve got sway with the NHL, ma’am.” And then he slapped a hand to his mouth, because he’d had no intention of sharing this. He valued his job, he valued his professionalism, and he respected the Secretary so much and never wanted to shine a negative light her direction.

Her smile was small and still sympathetic. “What happened?”

“Oliver got traded to Dallas. And I—” He bit back his confession. His personal life was his personal life, and while everyone knew he was seeing Oliver, he still made sure to remain professional at all times.

She nodded, then sat back and waited.

Oh, what the hell. She had teen-aged daughters. He needed to talk to someone. He wiped his eyes for all the good it did. Moisture still trickled down one side of his face.

“He’s leaving tomorrow. And I’m in love with him and I want to marry him and have kids with him. It was hard enough, us both being in the same town, you know—him being a professional hockey player and me being—” Blake waved his hand indicating her office and her and him. “—well, this. But him being halfway across the country and in Texas of all places and me being here and me being—” He waved his hand around again. “—well, this. And I just…” Blake looked toward the window behind the Secretary’s desk and sucked in a watery breath. More tears dribbled down his cheeks and he swiped at them with soggy tissues. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry for loving someone that much, Blake. We see so much hatred and evil in the world. When you find love like that, you’ve gotta hold onto it with everything you’ve got.”

Blake chanced a glance at her. She was looking at her wedding ring. Her gaze rose to his.

“Take the rest of the day off. Spend it with Oliver. Do whatever you have to do. And if I have to find a new personal assistant, then so be it.”

Blake’s mouth fell open. Oh, God. She was— She would— For him. “No, Ma’am. I wouldn’t… We couldn’t… I mean…” Blake took a breath before he passed out. “It’s professional sports. It’s Texas. He’d be excoriated in the press, by the fans, by the League. I couldn’t ask him to forsake his career like that. I mean, he’s a fan favorite and he’s worked so hard all his life to play and—”

“Blake.”

He snapped his mouth shut. Put a hand over it.

“Don’t borrow trouble. Go talk to Oliver. Tell him how you feel. You two need to decide together what’s best for your relationship.”

“I couldn’t ask him to…you know…for me.”

The Secretary chortled and shook her head. “You don’t get to make choices for him. Now go.” She made shooing motions with her hands. “If something happens I’ll call you. But believe you me, I’ll be waving off the troublemakers with a whip and a chair as best I can. All right?”

A glimmer of hope began to flutter in his chest. She held his gaze for long moments as if willing him to comply by sheer force of her own determination. He nodded once and pushed to his feet. “Thank you, ma’am. I…” He clasped his hands in front of him, but he didn’t know what say. Her friendship, her respect, her trust, her giving nature. It was a lot and “thank you” wasn’t nearly enough to convey everything she’d done for him and everything she meant to him.

With a nod and soft smile, she said, “You’re welcome. Now go.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna write out the sex scene but ultimately decided not to.

Blake woke at his customary four-thirty a.m. The faint chime of his alarm floating from the hidden depths of his pants pocket. His pants were somewhere on the floor.

Oliver lay sprawled across his side of the bed, covers at his waist, snoring softly.

Blake slipped from beneath the bedclothes and fished his phone out to silence it, but also to send a text to Nadine and MamSec that he’d be late. Oliver’s plane was leaving at nine-thirty, so he had to be at the airport by eight at the latest. That meant they had a couple of hours left to be together. _You need to talk,_ said a voice in the back of his brain.

Climbing back into the warm cocoon of the bed, Blake couldn’t decide whether or not to wake Oliver. They hadn’t been up super late since Blake had arrived prior to dinner time, but today was going to be a long exhausting day for Oliver. Part of Blake wanted Oliver to have as much rest as he could eke out before hitting the state of Texas running. But part of Blake wanted all of Oliver’s attention until he walked out the door.

As gently as he could, Blake snuggled up next to Oliver, tucked his shoulder into Oliver’s armpit, rested his head on the curve of Oliver’s chest. He’d let him sleep, because Oliver’s well-being was more important than his own.

Blake would just lie there, soaking up this last morning in Oliver’s arms, committing the feels and the sounds and the scents to memory. It was going to be a long time before they got to do this again.

The realization flayed him, and his heart broke at the thought. All his emotions came flooding back. His eyes burned and his throat swelled. He stilled, forcing himself to breath as normally and as regularly as he could, but he couldn’t stop the tears from leaking out of his eyes and onto Oliver’s chest. Shit. He took a shuddery breath and tried to soak them up with the edge of the sheet.

Then there was a snort and a sniff, and Oliver’s arm tightened around Blake. “Blake,” he said, voice soft and rough from sleep. “What-time’s-it?”

“Too early for you to be awake. Go back to sleep.” He knew his voice was high and tight, but maybe, in his sleep-addled state, Oliver wouldn’t notice. Blake tugged the covers up and tucked them in. He wasn’t ready for this. Was never going to be ready to say good-bye. And to talk about it was way more adult than Blake felt at the moment.

“Blake…babe.” His large hand shifted to Blake’s hip and swept upward in a caress. “Talk to me.”

Blake scrunched his eyes closed and sucked in a hard snotty breath. His nasal cavities had swollen so much he could barely pull in any oxygen. “I—” He couldn’t talk, he couldn’t breathe. He sat up abruptly and sucked in hard breaths.

Oliver sat up too, rubbed a large hand in circles on Blake’s back until his breathing eased.

The bed jiggled when Oliver clambered into position behind Blake and settled against the headboard. He tugged on Blake until Blake scooted into the vee of Oliver’s legs and relaxed against his chest. Blake dropped his head to Oliver’s shoulder. Oliver folded his arms around Blake and Blake clung to his forearms.

Oliver kissed the side of Blake’s face. “Kultsi, Blake…I love you so much. You know that, right?”

Blake nodded. “I love you too.” He couldn’t push more than air past his vocal cords and his words escaped as a whisper.

“I’ve been so happy all these years to have you to come home to, to have you at the other end of text messages and phone calls.” His arms tightened. “I hate that we have to be apart for awhile.”

“Just awhile?” Blake asked, heart soaring, though not sure what Oliver meant and not daring to even assume anything.

“Just awhile,” he confirmed. Tugging an arm free, he felt around in the bedding. He took Blake’s hand and placed what could only be ring in it. It was still too dark to see much, although the streetlights cast a pale orange glow through the windows and onto the ceiling.

Blake gasped. “Oh my God. Oliver. Is this…? What is this?”

“It’s a promise, Blake. I was going to propose in June, on the anniversary of when we met, but I want you to understand that you’re mine and I’m yours forever…

“As long as you want that too, of course.”

The tears were flowing again and Blake couldn’t speak, so he nodded. He swallowed and sucked back all the gook in his throat. “I want. I want that so much. But…”

“We’re gay and I play in the NHL?”

“For starters.” Blake laughed so he didn’t break out sobbing. He was so happy, but worried at the same time. Coming out was huge. There were out athletes, but whether they’d experienced rejection, prejudice, or harassment was not something Blake had spent any time considering. But the NHL was…well, it was the freaking NHL. One of the roughest sports in the world. Sure, Oliver had proven his ability to play damned good hockey, but was the sport as a whole ready for an out and proud player?

He couldn’t ask Oliver to do it. Couldn’t demand. Couldn’t expect. 

Blake shot off the bed and stumbled down the stairs, Oliver calling after him in surprise.

The chill of the downstairs whirled around him and he shivered, remembering suddenly that he was buck naked. He snagged an afghan off the sofa and wrapped up in it. He stood at the window looking into the murky light of pre-dawn curling his feet against the cold wood flooring.

Oliver was willing to take this chance—of coming out just so he could be with Blake. Just so they could have some measure of freedom.

And Blake wanted that. Wanted it so badly, he could practically taste it, but he was afraid for Oliver’s career. Oliver knew the chance he was taking, but how could Blake let him do it? How could he ask that of the man he loved more than life itself?

“Blake, hey…” Oliver shuffled into the living room wearing a bathrobe and slippers, tucking a pair of socks into Blake’s hands.

Nodding his thanks, Blake pulled them on and felt warmer immediately.

Oliver hugged him from behind. “Why’d you leave?”

“What you’re asking me to do…”

“Come out? We don’t have t—”

“Let you jeopardize your career.”

Oliver’s breath was warn on Blake’s neck, his lips soft. “None of it means anything without you. I’d give it up in a heartbeat.”

“I know, I know, but how can you ask me to let you?”

“Are you worried that I’d resent you?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know. Not really.” Blake sighs. “I just feel guilty? No, not guilty…unworthy.” The last word came out soft and rough.

“No, Blake, never that.” Oliver laced their fingers together. “I’ve spoken with Jim Nill, with Hitch, with Benn… I told them about you—not by name—but that I was in love with another man and that I’d buy out my own contract if they couldn’t accept us.”

“I… Oh my God, Oliver. I don’t even…” Blake covered his face with a hand, the other grasping the afghan closed, and slid it up through his hair. “Who are those people?”

“General Manager, head coach, team captain.” Oliver kissed his neck again. “No one cared, Blake. They were fine with it, they’ll have our backs, however we want to handle it.”

“Wow…that’s…amazing. I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’ll marry me.”

Blake still gripped the ring in his hand. He had no idea what it looked like and didn’t care all that much because Oliver gave it to him and no matter what, it’d be perfect. But…

“There’s one thing we’re forgetting.”

“I haven’t forgotten. I know you love your job. I know you love the Secretary and your co-workers. I know how proud you are of the work you’re a part of. I’m not asking you to quit or move. My contract is for two years. It’ll be the worst two years of my life being away from you, but I’ll retire and come back here to Washington.”

 _Oh my God. That’s just not…_ Blake turned around. “No.”

“No?” Blake heard the confusion, the surprise. Even in the dim light, saw Oliver’s eyebrows go up.

“Would you really do that for me?”

Hands landed on Blake’s face. He was pulled in for a kiss. “I’d do anything for you, Blake.”

Blake’s brain was a whirlwind of thoughts. Being apart during road trips for the last handful of years had been bad enough. Separations were a pain, reunions always sweet. Not seeing one another for nine months out of the year for the next two years is unfathomable.

“I’d do anything for you too, Oliver. I accept your proposal and I’ll tender my resignation. It might be a month or two before I can move, but I will. I’ll be in Dallas as soon as I can. I don’t want us to be apart any more.”


	3. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Blake begin their life in Dallas.

HOCKEY TALK

Oliver Linna and Partner House Hunting  
by Jeff Korkovsky

March 24, 2018

[img]  
 _Oliver Linna and Blake Moran leaving local real estate agency with agent Marcy Walker in tow ___

__Dallas Stars defenseman Oliver Linna was spotted holding hands with former personal assistant to the Secretary of State Blake Moran as they viewed a bevy of homes in the suburbs of Dallas. Linna was traded to the Stars back in January in a three player deal that cost Dallas a 2018 draft pick and sent Greg Pateryn to D.C._ _

__Until now, Linna has been living with Stars forward Tyler Seguin in Seguin’s Preston Hollow home._ _

__“He’s been a great house mate,” says Seguin, “but I know he’s stoked about his partner moving to town and the two of them finally living together.”_ _

__According to the Stars front office, it’s taken Moran a couple of months to conclude his job duties to Secretary of State Elizabeth McCord and make his final move to the Dallas area. There was no official public announcement of the couple’s relationship. Upon Linna’s trade to the Stars, Moran was included in Linna’s league and team bio as his partner and has appeared at the occasional team event when his own job and schedule allowed. This despite the information not being public during Linna’s tenure with the Washington Capitals._ _

__The two kept their relationship quiet in D.C. due to the sensitive nature of Moran’s job. The two have been dating since June of 2013._ _

__Secretary McCord was quoted as wishing the duo every happiness on their life together here in Dallas._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Why the Dallas Stars you ask? Because I live here (technically in Fort Worth). The Stars are my team and I vaguely know the Dallas area. Mostly I know the surrounding area, so yeah...


End file.
